Andreea C. on finding HOP

Where it began

Take us back to before this work. Where was your life then — if one scene could show it, what would we see?

Before I found HOP, I was at a point in my life where, from the outside, everything seemed to be going really well, but on the inside, things felt completely different. I had a business, I was making good money, I had people who loved me, and to those around me, it looked like I was on the rise. But that wasn't how I felt at all.

I had already spent almost five years in therapy and had learned so much about myself, but I had reached a point where I felt that all the tools I had developed were no longer enough. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat properly, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to understand why I felt so bad when, on the surface, I seemed to have everything I wanted.

Eventually, I reached a point where I felt I needed to change something fundamental. I let go of many of the things I had built and chose to turn back toward myself, even though I had no idea exactly what I would find there.

What question, ache, or want were you carrying when you arrived?

I think that when I found HOP, I was in a place of desperation and frustration. I had already tried several things: therapy for almost five years, and psychiatric treatment as well, hoping to find something that would help me feel better. At the time, therapy was the best resource I had. It had given me many valuable things, and I had learned an enormous amount about myself. It was only later that I realized that, although it had helped me, it wasn't enough to meet my long-term needs.

Sometimes I would feel better for a few days, only to find myself back in the same place again. And the most frustrating part was that, despite all my efforts, I felt like I was getting worse and worse.

I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, and I don't think I could have articulated a very clear question at the time. All I knew was that I couldn't keep going the way I was, and that I needed something that would help me in the long run, rather than just offer temporary relief. I wanted to understand how I could get to a place where I genuinely felt good and stop feeling like I was constantly ending up back where I started, no matter how hard I tried to change things.

I think I came to HOP more because I didn't know what else to do than because I knew exactly what I wanted to find. I was at a point where I was willing to explore a different path because I felt that what I had tried up until then, including therapy, was no longer enough for me.

The meeting

How did you and this work find each other — and what made you say yes?

I found my way to HOP through Adi, whom I had tried working with in the past. This time, I came back to him at a point when I was feeling desperate. I had already tried several things, I felt like nothing was enough, and honestly, I no longer knew what to do.

I don't think I came to HOP because I firmly believed it was the path I was meant to take. I came because I needed to try something different. I was at a point where I no longer had the answers, and I was willing to explore a different perspective, even though I had no idea where it would lead me.

The moments

Is there one moment — a session, a walk, an ordinary afternoon — when something shifted, that you still remember? Walk us through it: what happened, and what did it feel like?

I think the first truly impactful moment was when I went to Adi and told him how bad I was feeling, how desperate I was, and how I no longer knew what to do. His response was: "That's wonderful."

My first reaction was anger and confusion. How could it possibly be wonderful that I was feeling so terrible? I was there because I was genuinely suffering and felt like I had tried everything I knew to feel better, yet he seemed to be looking at the situation from a completely different perspective.

Then he explained to me that you cannot know the light without having experienced the darkness, and that if the darkness I had been through was so deep, perhaps the light I was about to discover could be just as profound.

I can't say that I understood everything he was trying to tell me in that moment, or that my emotional state changed instantly. But his words did something to me. They pulled me out of the perspective I had been stuck in and made me curious to see whether there might be another way of looking at what I was going through. I think that was the first moment when a door opened to a perspective I hadn't considered before.

Was there an old belief or story that quietly lost its grip? How did you first notice it had?

I think one of the most important changes was the way I related to external circumstances and the influence I believed they had on my inner state.

Before I found HOP, I had a business, I was making good money, I had a certain status, and I had built a life that, from the outside, seemed to be going really well. And yet, I felt absolutely terrible. I couldn't understand how I could have so many of the things I had wanted and still feel so bad.

Before I started working with HOP, I let go of many of the things I had built because I felt I could no longer keep everything going in the state I was in. And what was truly extraordinary for me was that, after leaving all those things behind, I started feeling really good.

That was a huge lightbulb moment for me. Until then, I think I had this idea that how I felt was closely tied to what was happening in my life and what I did or didn't have. But my own experience started showing me that things don't necessarily work that way. I could have a life that looked great from the outside and feel absolutely terrible, but I could also go through major changes, no longer have all the things I used to have, and still feel really good.

That fundamentally changed my perspective. I started to understand that I didn't necessarily have to get my entire external life in order to find peace within myself. And perhaps one of the most important things I discovered was precisely that: my sense of well-being wasn't nearly as dependent on my circumstances as I had once believed.

Did the work surprise you — touch a place you weren't aiming at?

I think what surprised me the most was that I came to HOP with a very clear, yet somewhat limited, goal: I just wanted to feel better. In my mind, the plan was that once I managed to get back to feeling good, I would return to my old life, to the plans I had made, to university, and probably to a job. I imagined I would get back on my feet and then, in a way, pick up where I had left off.

But things didn't quite turn out that way. As my inner state began to change, new ideas, new perspectives, and possibilities started to emerge — things I don't think I had even dared to consider before.

I hadn't expected the process to change so much of the way I looked at life and the options available to me. I had come looking for a way out of a state I could no longer live with, without realizing that, along the way, the way I wanted to live my life might also change.

I think that was the biggest surprise of all: I started out wanting to return to my old life, but as I began to feel better, I discovered that I could imagine other ways of living, too. Possibilities I might not have even allowed myself to take seriously before.

What are the HOP steps like, in your own words? What did the practice give you that reading about it never could?

For me, HOP has become a way of choosing how I move through life. It's not just a set of steps I follow to feel better when things get difficult, but a perspective I can use to look at what happens to me and choose how I want to relate to my experiences.

After I started feeling good by practicing the steps, I think I gradually became a little too proud of myself without even realizing it. I remember reaching a point where I was convinced it was absolutely impossible for me to ever feel bad again, regardless of the circumstances or whatever might happen to me. And going from that belief to rushing through the steps, doing them superficially, or even stopping altogether was only a small step.

After months of practicing, I went through a period when I either gave it up or did things more out of habit than intention. And inevitably, I started experiencing that contrast again, quite intensely. But that experience taught me an important practical lesson: contrast can be a gift. Not because feeling bad is pleasant, but because it can reveal things you might not have noticed otherwise and help you better understand what you need and which direction you want to go in.

I think that's what HOP means to me now: an opportunity to move through life with greater ease and optimism, without needing everything around me to be perfect. When I don't like what I see, I can pause and change the lens through which I look at the situation. That doesn't mean reality disappears or that I no longer experience uncomfortable emotions. It means I can find a different perspective and another way to respond to what's happening.

I don't think I've reached a point where I no longer need to practice. Quite the opposite. My experience has shown me that this isn't something you do once and then have figured out forever. It's a way of relating to life that I continue to practice, and the difference is that now I have more tools I can return to whenever I need them.

The walking-through

Was this work with you during a hard chapter of your life? What changed about how you walked through it?

I think one of the most powerful memories I have in this regard is my birthday this year. If I had looked strictly at my external circumstances, it wasn't exactly a happy time. An important relationship in my life had come to an end, my car wasn't working at all, and financially, things weren't looking too good either.

And yet, despite all of that, I felt incredibly good. I didn't force myself to be positive, I didn't try to look on the bright side of things, and I didn't attempt to convince myself that my problems didn't exist. Simply by going through the steps, I reached such a strong sense of well-being that even I was surprised by what I was feeling.

I remember feeling like it didn't make sense for me to feel so good, considering everything that was happening in my life. Rationally, I was aware of all my problems, but at the same time, they didn't take away my sense of well-being. I think this was a really important experience for me because it showed me once again that what happens on the outside doesn't have to automatically determine what happens on the inside.

After going through the steps, I had a moment when I thought, "Okay, this is just a momentum, and there's definitely another possibility here." In other words, I could see my problems, acknowledge that they existed, and still understand that the state I was in wasn't the only one available to me.

For me, this is one of the most important changes: not that difficult periods no longer exist or that I'm no longer affected by what happens to me, but that I've discovered I can go through them without automatically losing my sense of well-being. I can have real problems and still enjoy my life. And that possibility, which I don't think I would have known how to see before, has become one of the most valuable things I've discovered.

Life now

Before and now: what's the most alive difference in your ordinary days?

I think the clearest difference is that, no matter what happens in my life or how intensely I experience contrast, I know for sure that I can never go back to the state I was in before discovering the HOP steps.

The change I experienced was so powerful that it stayed with me, even during periods when I stopped practicing the steps or when things became difficult again. That doesn't mean I've reached a point where I feel good all the time or that nothing affects me anymore. The difference is that even when I feel bad, there is a certainty within me that things can be different.

Before, I had reached a point of desperation where I no longer knew what to do and couldn't see how I could ever get out of the state I was in. Now, even when I go through difficult moments, I no longer feel like I'm doomed to stay there. I know from my own experience that another possibility exists, and that the state I find myself in at any given moment doesn't define everything that is possible for me.

I think that's the most important thing I've gained: not the absence of difficulties, but the fact that I no longer look at those difficulties from the same place within myself that I used to. And no matter how hard things may get sometimes, that perspective has stayed with me.

Where is your life going — what are you walking toward?

Although I don't have a concrete plan for the future, I feel that the direction I'm heading in is very clear. I want to explore, discover new possibilities and opportunities, and enjoy whatever comes my way, without putting pressure on myself to control everything or know in advance how my life is supposed to unfold.

I think I've gradually let go of the idea that things have to happen in a certain way and that I need to conform to social norms or follow a predetermined path. I no longer feel the same need to have everything planned out or to make sure my life looks a certain way.

Instead, I've become much more curious about what might come along. I want to give myself permission to explore new things, follow ideas that excite me, and see where experiences take me, including ones I might not have even considered in the past.

It doesn't mean I don't have desires or that I don't care where I'm going. It simply means I no longer feel like I need to know the entire journey in advance. For now, I just want to enjoy life and discover what interesting thing might be waiting just around the corner.

And one for the reader standing where you once stood: what would you want them to know?

I think I would tell them they have nothing to lose by giving it a try. I came to HOP at a point when I was desperate, had already tried several things, and no longer knew what to do. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, and I certainly wasn't sure I would find what I needed there.

But sometimes I think that if I had waited until I was convinced it would work, or until I understood what I was about to discover, I might never have taken that step.

So I wouldn't promise anyone that they would have the same experience I did, and I wouldn't tell them there's one universal solution that works for everyone. I would simply say that sometimes it's worth giving yourself permission to explore a new path, even when you don't know exactly where it will lead.

For me, it was an experience that profoundly changed the way I live and look at life, and that's something I could never have known before giving it a try.